a letter to Rosie O'Donnell

11/22/07
Dear Ro,
I tried to say all of this in 200 characters or less. Over and over. It just made me cry harder. So... I’m going to try and send it in bursts - Of light and gratitude. I know we can connect and be better for the time shared. this much is true. I am a woman with a girl’s bursting heart, too... I just finished ‘Find Me’ - they shatter and heal me at the same time, your truth. I grew up in Ashland, Oregon, and I was stunned to know my beloved hometown is part of your journey... have you ever been? Take a walk in the furthest reaches of Lithia Park... past the dammed swimming hole, off to the right & around the corner. Up there, past that clearing, there’s a faerie pond up at the very end that is what it is. Fall back into it is my invitation. Just stretch your arms out & lay back into it all. Somehow I can’t stop crying tonight at the raw & thrumming kindness you shared with Melissa, & clearly possess in super-hero depth, your mortal flagellation to the contrary. Please honor yourself for the courage you have. It’s so much more than narcissism you are playing out ... Sharing the light in each of us is the closest thing to religious communion I believe in... the energy of our true heart is worth letting go of fear for, isn’t it? The only way out, & in, uh-huh. With every bit of willingness to share your truth, you help me. Savor your empowerment. Wield it as the sword of right action that it is! I have been forced for so many single-mom years to focus my energy toward keeping the lights on and the rent paid, it is so sad to know that you struggle to find lasting comfort in the Nelson Mandela shine of succeeding that you have cascading all around you. You have been an inspiration from the first grainy late night stand up routine I had the privilege of watching through the last episode of the View that I stood staring a gape at in the living room with my broom in one hand and dust-bunnied crayons in the other - well into the commercial break I was standing there shaking my head at the blaring-selling tv and saying the same thing over and over, a bit louder each time with my building energy at the realization of what had transpired. "You fucking ROCK, Ro!", until my own Ro, Rose Olivia Nicotiana Burrell-Lambo, got a tad worried at my vehemence and calmed me down with a quiet, "Mama, help cereal me." I did indeed cereal her, and as she ate, I cried. I knew it was the end of our time together at the table with a view. Much like I have cried tonight, after finishing ‘Find Me’. I feel like we should be friends, decoupaging and embarrassing our children with our insistent humor and songs. Instead I feel the displacement and distance of reality, the truth that you are a world away from me... much like when I watch my brother on screen. I know that nostril flare he has, and that twitch in his face but he is utterly and absolutely out of my reach at that moment. Somehow, tonight I am much sadder at knowing I am missing the chance to connect with a friend I don't know. I feel foolish, is the truth, and intensely determined to bridge the distance, make a reality out of what I have that helps me - and helps you. Isn't that wild? My perseverant feelings are really rooted in the belief that I can help YOU... I tried to go to sleep telling myself maybe I could get a letter to you through my brother - but the tears just kept leaking out. Incontinence of the eyes. Of the heart, I have. Uncontrollable feeling I am moved by... thank you so much for trying. I will work hard, and sweetly soft too, to keep trying - My brother (Ty Burrell) has shown that our deepest dreams of sharing our hearts can come true. You may have seen his work...small parts in ‘Friends with Money’, ‘In Good Company’, ‘The Darwin Awards’ and he plays Gary Kreshevski on ‘Back to You’ this Fall (Fox, Wednesdays) He is the best person I know, and I hope you get to meet him someday. He has been an inspiration for me to keep writing, to keep trying. To believe that what I have endured & have been fortunate enough to experience are in equal measure pure right action. To tell my story will benefit the universe, even if it’s my small world of friends and children and brothers. I know I have a sister in my universe, too, doing her best to have fun & turn to the light whenever she forgets. Truly the deepest of gratitude for your time and energy, Reagan